YE JAWAANI HAI Q-TIYAPA

Yesterday I went to watch 'Ye Jawaani Hai Deewani'. Don't get any wrong impression. My intentions were perfectly clear - to enjoy the movie if it is good else write this blog. A third grade whiskey in a new expensive bottle may confuse a novice but not the alcoholics.   

Starting is always difficult while writing a review. Let's show some respect to elders and start with them - Madhuri Dixit. Madhuri meets Ranbir while performing an item number in a red light area of Agra. Who calls her an Item nowadays I suspect. Mr Ranbir Kapoor (Bunny) is working with some foreign journalists as an intern. He is hired to persuade the girls in the brothel to answer the journalists (how many kids you have, what about the life here etc kind of questions). In reality who hires an intern to get some answers in a brothel. For 100 INR the girl in a brothel will draw for you her full family tree. But movies are movies. Ranbir immediately gets the opportunity to be in the lead opposite to Madhuri in the item number using some random absurd senseless poetry. 

The tough part to digest is the hall in which the item number is being performed. The hall is big, there are around 50-60 side dancers and twice more the spectators. What is such a hall doing in a brothel is tough to understand. It is Agra and not Greece. Divide it into some rooms and give the side dancers and spectators some personal space, it will be fantastic for the brothel business. 

The main story begins with Naina Talwar (Deepika Padukone), a Punjabi girl with a boring life and orthodox parents. In the whole movie it is impossible to get a Punjabi touch in Deepika's role. If you cannot get into character you cannot be a good actor (though being Punjabi has nothing to do with the movie plot). Well it is  India, if you are getting something for free why work hard for it. Coming back to track Deepika after instantly realizing what a shitty life she is living decides to go on a trekking expedition to Khirsu Pass, Manali. She does the booking using Make My Trip but is not able to get a seat in the train at the end time, that's anti advertising for Make My Trip. At this moment Ranbir helps her out by saying ' she can sleep with me ' ( what a great comment to a girl whose name he do not remember, they were in same school ) The main problem is how a studious, alone, introvert girl agrees to go with a guy making vulgar comments. Cool society. Ranbir also gives the idea to  Trip Coordinator from Make My Trip to give the TC a 100 Rs note. This depicts Make My Trip also supports corruption. The dialogues are senselessly written with some cheapness and  vulgarity to make up for the humor part. At a point Naina asks Ranbir what about kids if he will never marry, he replies ' who needs to marry to have kids, we can have them right now, I also know how to make twins ' I doubt even Mr. Genghis Khan knew how to make twins. At their interaction Ranbir uses some senseless and boring tricks to get acquainted with Deepika for eg. oh aaaan  Ayesha we met in some xy's party, oho sorry Geetanjali some xy's cousin. Mr. Writer if you want to make such cheap tricks please put some logic in it and use common Indian girls name like Aarti, Ankita, Swati etc.

The treks organised by Make My Trip are fantastic, I will give that to them. You have an unlimited amount of booze, some very beautiful girls and a plus point is that if their looks competes with their dumbness the latter is the winner and who do not like beauty with no brains. They have a make up crew with you free of cost from Make My Trip so that the make up, hairs, clothes looks fresh and new every day. The gender ratio in Make My Trip trekking expeditions is cool too and favours girls in higher number. Really I was not able to spot guys there, it were girls all around. For all the above mentioned points I strongly recommend Make My Trip to my fellow Indian boys.

In the trek Ranbir reveals that he loves trekking, trekking is his life while he gets almost defeated in a race to a nearby peak with Deepika ( her life's first trek ). Dude you should work hark for your life. I believe the script writer wanted to write the experiences of  his trek and convert it into a movie. But he got into a wrong production house - DHARMA PRODUCTIONS. In Dharma Productions it is compulsory to add a love story, some disturbances among friends and families, some heart breaks, very expensive clothes which does not matter where you are, lots of make up which holds every time  - before sleeping and after sleeping, six to seven songs with no connection to the movie's plot and after these prerequisites the main story. And if the script writer wrote this script on purpose then he should be the one to get shamed in our national capital. 

The movie is full of boring scenes, hard to listen than to watch, even more hard is to make out their importance. There is a very pathetic scene where Ranbir, Deepika and their two friends are running from local goons in Manali. The scene is tried to be depicted as a humorous run and chase like in Tom and Jerry show but it's a big fail. Their are some dialogues with very poor philosophy integrated with them. Some double meaning cheap jokes on which only cheap people will laugh. These dialogues are given majorly to Ranbir to make it easy for the audience to guess who is the lead actor in the movie. The songs are dull with some very poor lyrics. The only good song is ' Badtameez Dil ' which is shown in the trailers and nicely choreographed  but please do not get swayed by the trailer that is only the whiskey bottle. 

At the beginning Deepika is shown a boring, dull girl who wears Kurtis and tops to neck level, wears high power spectacles. At the end of the trek she is quite confident and her specs are gone too. All thanks to Mr. Ranbeers vulgar dialogues and cheap jokes. He also gives her the power to read at night during the trek which he himself can easily do. At the last day while returning from the trek the guys wakes up from a bus and starts dancing to celebrate Holi festival. They continues dancing and singing  from the morning till night. The scene is quite colorful, there is gulal (color) everywhere in the air, in road, in swimming pool, who the hell paid for all that is not shown. Also why the local public is dancing around our lead characters and giving them the central spot is unanswered. At the end of this heroic dance Deepika fells in love with Ranbir but do not express her feelings because Ranbir is going to US to study journalism on a scholarship. What does a foreign masters program has to do with expressing your love to someone I do not understand. 

This is the end of the first part and almost the end for this blog. I am too much confused why they made the second half.  There is some sentimental drama among friends, between Deepika and Ranbir as they meet after 8 yrs. One strong change for sure is in Deepika's personality. In the second part she is much more confident, do not wear spectacles, laughs, jokes around and outrageously reveals two inches of her cleavage in almost every scene in the second part. Seeing the cleavage Ranbir also falls in love with her and understands how important is relationships, family, friends with respect to his dreamed life career. So he decides to leave the chance to host a TV show in Paris and comes to Deepika. 

The movie sucks big time. If we remove the fat and short guy from the movie Cocktail ( yes the same guy who converts into a superhuman when he participates in any race ) then it can win an Oscar with respect to Ye Jawaani Hai Deewani.

The Last Voyage

 

It was almost time. The air was fresh and clean. The front sky looked calm with light orange colour on its lower portion and white on its upper. The Sun was playing hide and seek and the clouds were assisting it to achieve its purpose. It was a beautiful sight. I believe I deserved that much.

I looked to the river flowing deep down and quickly drew away my eyes. The more I looked down the more my mind took control of my body. But I knew it was needed to be done. The valley was around 200 meters deep but it looked much more than that. The river was full of big and small boulders but it was hard to estimate the depth. I could not hear the water flowing but it appeared violent and savage.

My mind was forcing me not to do it but I was too close to back out. I knew it had to be done, it was the only option and the right thing to do. ' Keep calm and focused, It will all be over soon ', I told myself. It was a firmly made decision and backing out was not an option. I should have talked with my family but it was too late now to do it.

The wind was not fast but cold enough to make my whole body shiver. It felt like a hundred ice arrows piercing my body together. It was the cold or the fear that was dominating me I could not distinguish. Far away an eagle was circling round and round most probably closing on its prey.  I was not able to see the poor animal but could feel its fear. In an instant the deep valley looked like a huge eagle racing towards me to swallow me. ' Huh ', I thought ' The valley cannot move, It has to be me to do it ' . The air was clean and fresh still my lungs were denying it easy entry. It feels odd when each part of your body sings a different song. They were not in my control I knew that much.  My mind was shouting,  'You don't want to do it, please don't do it my friend '. 

I could feel the weight on my legs as never before. It was impossible to lift them. It looked as if the gravitation pull has increased ten folds. In my childhood I have dreamed to have wings, to fly like a bird, to fly and be one with the sky. But now my legs were resisting as if they were not my part. They have clung to the ground as a child clings to his mother's breast. But I knew it had to be done. I have to overcome the fear, and be in control of my mind and body.

The day was late but there was enough light to see down to the river. My mind was running fast trying to control me and simultaneously placing different memories and thoughts before me. ' It will not be easy ', I told myself but I knew what was needed to be done to do it. I let go of all these thoughts, let go of all the people I have loved, let go of all the moments I have ever cherished, let go of all the things I have liked, let go of all the memories I hold close to my heart. Then brought forward the pain, the grief I have ever felt, and became one with despair. This gave way to the life energy settled deep down in me, and it rose. I could feel it. This life energy from the darkest part of my heart was exactly what I needed to do it.

Now it was time. I could not hear my mind no more, I was completely blank, no thoughts, no memories. I felt nothing now, no sound, no cold. Even the eagle was gone. And then I jumped. 

The Last Resort in Nepal is in top 10 list of best places for bungee jumping in the world. It is 160 meters long with a 100 meters of free fall. It was hell of an adventure and everyone should try it at least once. Most part in the last paragraphs are bullshit. Well I like to shit, actually everybody enjoys shitting whatever time of the day it may be. There is nothing like life energy and no one can let go what I wrote that easily, it's not in our hands. Actually there is not much time to think about anything at the time of jump, it's just 1,2,3 jump. Either you jump or you don't. If you jump then you will understand what true fear is in the first 2-3 seconds. The last part was also interesting when the bungee was over and I was hanging upside down around 40 meters above the river.

She was cold

I thought it was dawn. The sun looked like a vague golden ball hanging in a light blue coloured sea which was defying the gravitation laws hanging upside down. It was mud and water all around and very little traces of concrete road to be seen beneath it. It must have rained heavily the previous night. But how could I have known. I am a deep sleeper and my dreams are as real as dreams can be.

        

It was early yet I could see some figures on the pavement. As I approached I saw some men chatting at the side of the road. They had covered themselves with worn out blankets and a burning fire near them. I assumed they were homeless poor beggars. People with filled belly the previous night do not usually wake up at such a time and such cold.

I went to sneak in. There were five of them. Their faces were pale and hands weak. They had black cups near them with upper part twice as broad as the base. As I closed in I saw some round shaped metal coins in it. The light was still too dim to count how much was in there. I sat near the fire for sometime. One of them gave me a disgusted look, the other four took no notice of me as if I was not there. They did not ask even for money or food from me. That made me curious. After 5-10 minutes I went down the side alley.

    

There were more beggars on the other side. Walking down the other side of the road I felt a slight pain in my front leg. May be I was too perplexed that it did not incur to me before. I was sure it was completely a new place to me. As I moved I saw more burning wood and people shivering but I was not feeling the same cold. As I looked up in the sky, it was a beautiful sight and it had covered most part of the northern sky. It was as if a very big multicoloured  star had moved from its place in the sky and left its coloured trajectory behind it.    

As I moved on I saw more people here and there, old, young, weak, kids and other. Some were talking about the cold, some about rain last night, some about something other. I could hear them all, even the distant ones, I could even hear them breathe the cold chilly air as it went inside their lungs and came out as white as snow. Was I high on weed I could not tell. I should not be hearing all that stuff. The blood was racing up my brain to lubricate it but it was not working normal. I was in a dilemma. I could not say where I was. I could not recall how I arrived in that area. I tried hard but it was not coming to me.

     

Then in a sudden instant it came, the cold scent, the frail sobbing voice, but no one around seemed distracted. Maybe they had not heard it. The smell intrigued as well as frightened me. The hairs on my neck stood straight up. The scent and voice were vague but call it instinct or whatever I knew what it was. It was the scent of death.

      

I sniffed my way towards the scent and ran. I ran fast, faster, the fastest I have ever known I was capable of. When  did I learn to run so fast I could not remember.

      

It took around a minute before I reached the source. I saw figures on the footpath. As I closed in, a man was lying on the ground and people were sitting and standing around him. A women in mid 20’s was sitting near the upper part of the lying man, sobbing and cursing. I could easily hear her. She was cursing her gods that they did not save her husband from the white witch. She was telling other people that the white witch killed her husband.

     

She told them that the white witch was after her husband for many days. Her husband has seen her often in the area. The dead body of her husband was pale and white as ice, the lips turned a little blue, cheeks shrank and wrinkles could be seen in infinity in the pale skin. The area  around the eyes had turned dark and little and the eyes looked as they have bulged out from their sockets. It was a grievous death I concluded. Could it be the work of a witch I wondered but whatever she was, she was cold.

         

Now more men came in and women started to cry and support the dead man’s wife. The wife told them that the witch was still there somewhere, smiling and content with her prey for now but she will not stop and more will be dead soon. The husband and herself were successful in evading her for many nights but last night her husband yielded to the white witch. She told that the witch never left them. She was all around and her power increases at night as the dark spreads. Her husband had seen her smiling with a crooked teeth many times, going near him, around him and through him. She would give him shivers. Her husband often told her that the dark was a companion of the witch and they should be watchful at night. Could her story be true. Could such a terrible force exist I thought, but whatever she was, she was cruel.

         

The wife started cursing the gods even more and now she had started cursing other people that no one came to help them. What homeless people would have done against such a mighty force I could not understand. She was crying and speaking at the same time. It was not clear but still I was able to understand some part of it. Her husband and she had evaded the white witch using fire. The witch was afraid of fire her husband had said. The witch had many weapons and many companions and the only armour the deceased had was a worn out blanket and only weapon was the burning wood but still they fought against such a dreadful power until last night when it rained. The white witch called her companion. It rained heavily and it increased her power. The rain took their weapon, the burning fire, from them and then took her husband’s life. I thought  rain was considered as a god. Why would it help a merciless witch? The wife was crying that she will kill her too and many more till she sleeps. Then at last it came to me what she was. She was cold, she was winter.

           

The wife’s face was pale and tears had now dried leaving dark traces on her pale face. I do not know why but I felt a guilt about her dead husband. Her cries now were unbearable but still I could not move and then I heard a weak sound slowly becoming strong and moving close. The sound made my mind cloudy and then I woke up.

         

Now to see the situation rationally, many homeless people die due to cold in north India.  Around 78 million homeless people are ill equipped to face the cold weather conditions. The death toll last year was 140 and we boast India is growing and call ourselves a developing nation. These deaths can be prevented therefore stop fucking your money on Salman Khan movies and distribute some blankets to the homeless on your birthdays and don’t wait for the Indian government. Their blankets will take many years to reach to the needful ones.